Chesty Laroux? Busty McPerky?
No, that can't be it.
After going through the full spectrum of bra sizes in the past 7 years (I have been everything from a 34 A to a 36 DD), and having a baby suck the life force right out of them, I decided that maybe I should seek professional help. And by professional, I mean asking the ladies at La Senza to size me up. She takes one look at me, says "high C to low D, definitely."
Frick. That means more weight for gravity to work with.
She takes out her measuring tape and does her thing.
Double frick. Have you ever TRIED to find a 34D bra? It is easier to find a husband who will change his name to yours than to find a 34D bra.
So if any of you out there have any 34D bras that are in good shape, sexy (but not sexed ON) and want to donate them to my breasts, send 'em over! I have no shame...