Wednesday, 3 October 2007

Glutton for punishment: the mommy trinity at work

Once upon a time, there was a mommy and her toddler son. The mommy was no ordinary mommy, though. She was pregnant, and as everyone knows, pregnant mommies are prone to terrible personality swings and disorders of intelligence and judgement. Especially when they are awoken at 5 in the morning by their toddler boy who is itching to get out of his crib and play. But this tale does not take place in the morning. Rather, it occurs at dinner time, when both mommy and boy are tired from the day's activities of floor-pooping, food-throwing and kitty-torturing.

Toddler boy is not the most adventurous eater. He has his favourites and sticks to them: Reese Peanut Butter Puffs cereal, yogurt, fruit, most definitely ketchup, but NOT meat. No ham and cheese sandwiches, no spaghetti sauce, no chicken fingers, no fish sticks. No. Meat.

Imagine Pregnant Mommy's surprise and delight when she is making pizza for supper (which Pregnant Mommy is TOTALLY scamming on), he's "helping" by fingering all the toppings and Toddler boy starts eating the pepperoni! Oh rapture! Oh pure joy! At first, the pepperoni she was using was the salami-style, so it was not very spicy. She runs out of that, however, and out come the hot pepperoni sticks. Hot even for her. Toddler boy grabs one and starts chewing. Smart Mommy winces in fear of what may happen. To her total amazement, he loves it. He keeps gnawing at it and scraping the meat off the rough casing with his front teeth, smiling away. Stupid Mommy thinks to herself: this is great! He's eating meat!

Suddenly, Smart Mommy looks over at him and his eyes are welled up and he's got tears pouring down his cheeks. He's still maniacally chewing on his pepperoni. Then the screeching starts.

Stupid Mommy gives him his sippy cup: he downs the whole 9 oz. Then he shoves the damn pepperoni back in his mouth! Frick. Stupid Mommy: you should've taken that away first.

Pregnant Mommy, who thinks that food is the solution to any problem, gives him some yogurt out: he marfs it down. She tries to pry the pepperoni out of his hands, but he's WAILING at her, fighting tooth and nail for the damn pepperoni, even though it IS the root of this whole fiasco. Finally, she tears it away, leaving shards of meat under his nails, and he's sucking on his hands like there will never be pepperoni ever again.

Smart Mommy then takes over and washes his hands so that he doesn't rub the spices into his eyes (because things just aren't enough fun around here).

Eventually, Smart Mommy gets the pizza in the oven and they ├╝ber-enjoy the pizza for dinner as Pregnant Mommy is craving pizza something fierce these past few days and the heartburn from the pepperoni and banana peppers is totally worth it.

And they live ever after. Not always happily, just ever after.

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On a totally unrelated note, it's delurking time!  If you are passing by la Maison Mustard, leave a comment, any comment.  Even if it's just "I'm delurking.  Your blog is moderately entertaining." If you're new here, maybe hook my feed into your reader... :P
The Great Mofo Delurk 2007

10 comments:

  1. Hysterical!!! Zoe surprises us all the time with her love of certain foods. Like pepperoni. Dill pickles. Garlicky pastas. Lima beans. Broccoli.

    She refuses peanut butter (weird kid). Won't eat red sauce. Hates ketchup. Any "normal toddler food" she turns her nose up at.

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  2. HAHAHA. This? "he marfs it down" I LUFF. Marfs it down is now my new fave. :-)

    Er. Delurking. Sordda.

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  3. Er, I figured I'd spam your comment box. Period. Not to begin with.

    Stoopid pregnant brain, stealing my ability to speak English...

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  4. I was never lurking to begin with, but I figured I'd spam your comment box to begin with :)

    Love the pepperoni story (in a "I sympathize with your pain" sort of way ;) )!

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  5. Not delurking (obviously). Anyway, that sounds awful. Just further proof that my theory that pepperoni is the root of all evil may be correct. Ha ha.

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  6. I'm not delurking. I'm always here.

    anyway, Pregnant Mommies should be given gold medals.

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  7. Delurked.

    I have a toddler and a pregnant wife. Last night mom went out and the spawn and I had a nice quiet evening together which was very similar to the above story. I also blog, but I'm a lot more random...

    http://iedaddy.wordpress.com

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  8. Funny!
    It's my first visit & I like your haircut!
    Pregnancy does suck and parenting toddlers isn't exactly a blast either. I don't know how I survived but it's a lot more fun now.

    http://zombiecakes.wordpress.com/

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  9. Agh kids!! I'm not really de-lurking (even though it was actually yesterday). I read often.

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