Monday, 24 December 2007

A different kind of fairy tale

Once upon a time, in the faraway land of Buttfuck, ON, there lived a beautiful, organized, clean, and culinarily gifted woman.  She had a husband who occasionally had to work through his lunch break.  Because she is such a wonderful wife (and mother), she packed her husband a wonderful lunch, which she assumed he ate.

Some time later, let's say months later, the beautiful wife found a lunch bag in her computer room closet.  She opened the bag only to discover a container filled with rotting, molding contents.  She was shocked and insulted that her husband not only failed to eat the lunch she had prepared, but also that he had left the bag to rot.  When she confronted him, he immediately groveled at her feet and begged her forgiveness.  He swore it would never happen again and that he would take care of the fungal garden growing within the bag.

Some time later, let's say months later, the beautiful wife's memory-challenged husband came to her, carrying the lunch bag.  He smugly told her that when she packed a lunch for their son, she should really try and remember to dispose of any leftovers posthaste, as the lunch bag was now rotting.

Shocked and again insulted that her husband would even think that she could be responsible for such a disgusting mess, she firmly reminded him that this was the same lunch bag that he had used, placed in the closet, sworn to clean months ago, clearly never did, and put back in the closet.  She banished him from her sight, refusing to touch the bag.  She told him to throw the entire bag out.  There was no saving the plastic containers within.  They were too far gone.

Later that night, as the beautiful wife performed her wifely duties of loading the dishwasher, she noticed a horrible smell coming from the dishwasher.  It smelt of rotting fish guts, blue cheese rubbed on cracked feet, and ass.  Lo and behold, it was THE container.  In the dishwasher.  Open.  Infested with all sorts of organisms that would probably cause a spontaneous abortion if inhaled or consumed by a pregnant woman.  She fumed until smoke bellowed from her ears, but the husband did not seem to notice a thing.

Swallowing her pride, she hurled the container from the dishwasher into the garbage and swore never to make her husband a lunch again.  And we shall see how they live ever after.  We shall see...

What gross things have you discovered in your closets? 


  1. Leave containers to mold, that is.

  2. sounds like something I would do.

  3. Boy, I could have written this!!

  4. Oh that doesn't remind me of anyone at all... :)

    I will admit to something similar, though. Back when E was a baby and I was barely conscious for months on end, we noticed a funk coming from her closet. We couldn't find the culprit. It kept getting worse and worse. Then we discovered it. In a plastic bag with some toys we'd taken home from mom's were what I think used to be buns that we also took home that day. It was hard to tell as they were pretty much liquid at that point. One of the nastiest things I've ever seen.

  5. I have similar situations with my dear husbsand. He usually leaves his lunch in the car to rot.

  6. oh, that is so nasty! now, i have been known to forget something in the very back of the fridge...until it starts crawling towards me when i open the fridge door! but in the closet? and then to put it in the dishwasher?



Thoughts? Comments? Questions?