I may have a problem

I wear glasses.  I have worn glasses since I was 12 years old.  I hated my first pair:

I have no words.  Purple Monkey Dishwasher.

I saved enough babysitting money to buy my first pair of contacts two years later, and wore those puppies every day. Unfortunately, no one really told me that they were not correcting for my astigmatism, and so I was not actually seeing clearly.  My mom bought me a pair of Gucci frames in high school, which were somewhat cooler, so I wore them.  Sometimes.  When my contacts were tiring my eyes.  And I wasn't trying to attract the boys. Or make out with one.

By my university years, I had resigned myself to glasses, finally realizing that I could see shitake-mushroom-all in the giant lecture halls wearing my completely useless contacts. I had some cute glasses (of which I have no photo) that I wore ragged, so I bought a new pair. The optometrist always told me (as I am sure they tell most people) that you should really have two pairs of glasses, in case one breaks. I always agreed with him, in theory.  In practice, who the eff could afford two pairs of glasses? Not this starving student.

My $500 glasses that I bought in university.

A couple of years ago, I heard about online glasses shopping.  I was extremely skeptical, but I decided to try them out:

Pretty nice specs for $68!

I liked them so much, and they were so cheap that I bought my FIRST back-up pair.  Then, since they were so cheap, I ordered my very first pair of prescription sunglasses.  No more stupid clip-ons with the damn bar across the top.  Real. Fashionable. Sunglasses.  I felt like a prom queen who wore sunglasses to the prom.

I was good with three pairs.  Good for a while.  Then they started sending me online coupons.  So I ordered another pair:

$50 glasses on a ridicuous head of hair.

Ah. Two pairs of back-up glasses.  Plus sunglasses.  Plus the original pair.  I felt so secure.  And cool.  I could coordinate my glasses with my clothes.  Excellent.

Oh? What was that?  There was another online glasses store that was even CHEAPER?  Well frick.  I HADS to see if those were any good:

Whoops...did I order glasses for Sashimi, too?  My bad...

My orange glasses became one of my new faves. I have an orange winter jacket that matches these glasses exactly.  I get mad props everytime I wear the Glacket combo.  I totally do it on purpose, now.  I'm awesome like that.

Then another coupon appeared in my inbox:  Free glasses *insert spit-take*  WHAAAAT? That's right, free.  You don't kick a gift-glasses coupon in the eyeball. So I ordered myself a pair of cat-eye glasses. I had always wanted some like that:

I may have also ordered some glasses for Tony...

For the past year, I have been sitting in a comfy world of seven pairs of glasses.  Well, six regular glasses and my sunglasses. Not quite enough to wear a different pair each day of the week, and that was sort of getting to me.  I mean, what kind of glasses afficionado could I be if I did not have a day-of-the-week collection?

And then I saw these:

There ain't no shushing in MY library! Bring on da funk!

And now, my set is complete**:

Ta-da! Combined cost around $250

**Until I get another coupon.  I cannot be held responsible for what happens when a coupon makes its way into my inbox. Somebody be buyin' stuff.  Must be some mistake at PayPal...