I’m aware that evilest is not a real word, but you must also be aware that cabbage is PURE EVIL! We have been trying to get Sacha to sleep in his cradle and have employed many tricks. We finally found a winning combination: giving him a bath before bed, then nursing him, then warming up his cradle with a heating pad, then placing him in his cradle, which is next to my side of the bed. Yippee for us!
But wait: along comes Memère with her excellent coleslaw (with yummy apples and everything) and I am inclined to have some at supper time. SOME here refers to two helpings. That night, all terror breaks loose. Not so much for Sacha, as he was still able to sleep, but for Tony and I. Sweet merciful crap he made a lot of noise that night! Grunt grunt grunt, fart, poop, squirm, spit up, grunt, grr, grr, argh, grunt, poop, fart, AAHH, change me! Such were the sounds coming out of his little cradle while Tony and I lay wide awake, unable to fall asleep due to the incredible decibals coming from our sweet little munchkin.
I believe we got about 2, maybe 3 hours of discontinuous sleep. We tried everything: nursing, rocking him, having him sleep with us in bed, with Tony and I on the couch, but to no avail. Grunt Grunt Grunt.
It seems the cabbage releases a venomous toxin into babies that forces them to keep their mommies and daddies awake all night while they sleep soundly, thereby not giving the parents any reprieve during the day as they are rested and ready to entertain guests, while their parents wander around like zombies trying to nap while little Sacha is awake and being all cute and stuff.
Be warned, all you future parents: beware the perils of the leafy green monster we all charmingly refer to as cabbage. It’s NOT worth it!