Conversations with my resident 5-year-old theologian

 Keesadilla: Why does Riley always want to play games where his name is Killer? Or he wants to kill people or growl?
Me: Well, God gave Riley a really big imagination and he makes up really big stories and games to play.
K: That's not really big. Big imagination is like when you're a zombie or something.
M: Zombies are not the same kinds of games as killer games?
K: NO! And why does God always make us fight?
M: He doesn't make you fight. Who are you fighting?
K: Anyone. Why are we always fighting?
M: Well, when you're little, fighting is a way to help you learn how to use your words and not your actions. God helps you learn how to be patient and kind when you fight.
K: What? God doesn't know what He's doing. That doesn't make any sense.
M: Not everyone has the same ideas of what games to play or what to do all the time. So God helps you talk and solve your problems together.
K: That doesn't happen in Peace River.  There is no magic in Peace River.
M: Magic?
K Yeah. Well, except for God's magic. But a kid flying? Not magic in Peace River.  Or like a kid bouncing between trees? Not magic like that in Peace River.  Only like if God magic'd him down the tree.  That kind of magic.
Sashimi (from the bottom bunk): There is magic! Like my card trick!
K: That's NOT magic, Sashimi.  Only God does magic. Like if he magic'd your cards.
M:What? (I have no idea what we are talking about anymore).

Pause for about 4 seconds.

K: Like how long do I have until I never have to go to school for the rest of my life?
M: Um...when you're an adult.
K: No.  Like I mean when am I going to wake up and not have to go to school anymore? Like EVER?
M: Well, what do you want to be when you grow up?
K: Either a trains person or buildings.
S: You can't BE a building, Keesadilla.
K: NO, like I'm gonna drive a train.  But I just can't decide what kind.  I think CN because I never saw inside a CN train before.
M: Well, once you're done learning how to drive a CN train, you can be done school.
K: Well, I think I already know how.  I'm seriously!
M: You still have to go to school to learn new words and numbers.
K: WORDS? I don't want to learn words.  All the words Mme Suzanne uses are en français and I don't know them!
M: Well, Mme Suzanne is not your teacher this year.  It's Mme Danielle and Mme Sheri-Lynn.
K (thinks for a bit): Well, like how many days is Mme Sheri-Lynn gonna be there? Like is she gonna tell me all the words?
M: I don't know.  But you will learn lots of things this year and you'll have fun.
K: I don't know about that...seriously...

Pause to contain my inner giggles.

K: Mommy, my blanket is hot.
M: Ok. I'll give you a new blanket.
Two minutes later...
K: This blanket is hot TOO! Why don't you get me a blanket that is never ever hot and always stays cold all night for every night?
M: If I ever see one of those blankets, I will definitely buy one.

Five minutes later...
K: My blanket is so hot! What is wrong with these things?
M: I think it's your body that's hot.
K: NO it's the BLANKETS! They're no good. I want cold blankets.
M: There are no more blankets. Your body warmed them all up. Do you want me to flip your pillow?
K: Yeah...flip it. But it's hot on both sides! My body's not hot, it's my legs.  And they're hot because of the blankets.
M: Well, sleep without blankets.
K: What? That's crazy. Then I'll be cold.

M: Good night, Keesadilla.

End scene.