We have a housecleaner. She works as a nanny for a family down the street and she moonlights as a housecleaner. She usually comes once every two weeks and does a whole once-over of the house. Sometimes, she even folds our laundry or does our dishes We LOVE her.
This weekend, she was busy with a community Christmas party and said she would not be able to make it. I cried a little inside, but then I thought "Suck it up, Princess! You know how to clean the house!" I washed the floor in our living area a couple of days ago, and I cleaned the kids' bathroom yesterday: toilet, tub (which is usually pretty clean), floor and sink. Two tasks: done.
I went into the kids' bathroom this morning to grab a facecloth and smelled PEE. That awful stench of morning urine crustified onto something in the bathroom. I had just cleaned the toilet yesterday, so I knew that the smell was not coming from within. I looked around the toilet - dried yellowish stuff all around the base. EVERYWHERE. Frick! So I grabbed a rag and started cleaning. I wiped the entire toilet down and cleaned around the base. I cleaned off the stool that Keesadilla uses to reach the toilet, and then left the bathroom.
I went back in to use the facilities about 10 minutes later. STENCH. STILL. THERE. WTF?! I cleaned the effing toilet already. And the floor! So I started sniffing like a bloodhound and saw pee all over the garbage can lid next to the toilet. Double Frick!! Grabbed another rag and wiped down the garbage can, emptied the garbage bag. Then I lifted the cannister: big puddle of yellow liquid underneath. FUCKITY FUCK!! How many places can a kid pee in such a small bathroom? So I washed the entire garbage cannister and the floor beneath. Convinced that I had finally solved the pee-problem, I left.
About 20 minutes later, Sashimi had to use the bathroom. He walked in and exclaimed: "MOMMY! It smells AWFUL in here!"
I ran back in. Sure enough, it still smelled just as rank as before. Did a skunk pee in here or something? I cleaned everything! Except the bath mat. ARGHHHH! Seriously? I stripped the entire bathroom of every possible towel, facecloth, bath mat, or other garment that may or may not have been peed on. I turned on the fan. I washed the entire floor. Again.
After I emerged from urine-hell, I asked the boys in a nice calm fashion:
"WHO PEED ALL OVER THE FLOOR??? IT IS DISGUSTING IN YOUR BATHROOM!"
Sashimi pointed at Keesadilla: "It was him. I saw him do it."
Me: And you just let him pee all over the place?
S: Well, I told him to put his penis pointing down, but he didn't listen to me.
Me: Can you please show him HOW to point it down so that we don't have pee all over the place?
S: No, it's too hard, Mommy.
I am done with this. One brother watches as the other brother spackles the bathroom with piss and I am left to clean it all up. I may as well just put a big effing drain in the floor and have the floor slope towards it. That'd probably be just as useful as a toilet and much easier to clean.
Or forbid my housecleaner from ever going to a Christmas party agan.
Bah. Humbug. Urine.