Thursday, 22 November 2012

Calling all Nerds. HEY YOU!

Back to work: check.
Back into a workout routine: check
Building up fab guns and pecs: check.
Realization that working my pecs will make my saggy boobs stick out more: check
Realization that between work, working out, keeping the kids alive and our house non-condemned, my exciting life as a prestigious socialite is passé: check.

Worse than all that, that one teaching day, which in teacherland is actually a day plus a half day of prep, really threw off my knitting-TV groove. I was so proud that I finally subscribed to HBO and Movie Central aka Showtime and looking forward to many hours of joys with my TV, needles and stash. And I have not watched it ONCE. In two months, never. Why? I am sooooo awesome that I either a) fall asleep in kid's bed while putting them to sleep, b) crawl out of kid's bedroom and directly into my bed, c) play Angry Birds Star Wars, or d) am a gimp. I apparently also love paying $21/month for something I don't use. Totally rocks my world. You should try it. If you don't want to do that, you could alternately take a twenty dollar bill, light a match, hold the match close enough to the money for it to catch fire, then let it burn. Not long enough that you burn your fingers. You go to the ER, they ask you "how did you burn yourself" and you say "I was burning money" the doctor will prescribe you some crazy pills instead of burn ointment.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, my groove.

It's gone. I have no time to knit, have tea in fancy tea cups and raise my finger and pip pip cheerio, no time to watch expensive cable channels, no time to shovel the driveway...hum hum hum...all because of that one day.
So. If anyone manages to find a way to open the time-space continuum and give me either one extra hour each day, preferably when the kids are asleep and I am NOT, or stick an extra 8 hours into the weekend, I would appreciate it. I would appreciate it in the amount of one MILLIONNN dollars! And once you have that figured out, if you could just inject some coffee right into that continuum so that I could stay AWAKE for those extra hours, bonus millionsies for you, my friend.

In conclusion, my inner sloth would like you nerd-types to solve this time-space problem post haste. That means yesterday. Then I can go back in time and actually have time to get into Downton Abby. Because everyone tells me how fabulous it is, and I have the channels and everything, but I have no freaking time to watch it! And then I may resort to burning $20 just to go to the ER to get crazy pills.
So, anyone want to get on that?
The time thing, not the pills. Thanks.

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