I went away for Mother's Day. My Baba made me feel guilty about it for, oh, about 10 seconds when she told me that I should be spending Mother's Day with MY mother (who lives about 5 blocks away).
HA! Not only have I never had any sort of Mother's Day pampering, I have never had any time away from being a mother since I had Sacha. Never have I had more than 4 hours away from my kids since August 25, 2006. And that 4 hour stint was only once, when Tony bought me a "Get Stoned" spa package when Sacha was 3 months old. Other than that, never more than 2 hours.
This weekend, I had 56 whole hours of relaxation and bliss. Tony had bought me tickets to Stars on Ice for my birthday, to go with whomever I chose. I decided to go with Talia, my sister, since she is as equally dorky about figure skating as I am. I got to drive to Edmonton, which is 500 km from home, spend the weekend shopping, eating out, drinking Starbucks, indulging in a pedicure, singing karaoke at a pub, staying out past 10 pm and drooling over Scott Moyer. And Kurt Browning, who did an entire routine to Luck be a Lady on hockey skates. Them's are some skillz!
By Sunday, I was ready to come home. I missed my kids, and I missed being a mommy. Most days, I am trying to find some way to escape, and it feels awful. I don't like being a SAHM who wishes she was working, or drinking, or doing ANYTHING else, frankly, other than being a mommy, raising kids day in and day out.
56 hours away was all I needed to want to go back to mommyhood. I felt good about seeing my kids, about waking up at 6 am the next day, about why I chose to be a SAHM.
Moms who work at least have those 8 hours a day when they get to be someone else, a professional, a contributing member or society. A stay-at-home mother does not have an alter-ego. There is only one self, and that is MOMMY. This weekend helped me remember that deep down, Sarah still exists, a Sarah who can sing, who likes to spend hours at Chapters with a coffee in hand, a Sarah who likes to eat out at places without colouring pages for menus.
I need to learn to get away more often. To learn to let go and let someone else take care of the kids for a day. To reacquaint myself with Sarah and live her sans-kid life once in a while so that she can enjoy coming home to mommyhood.