I don't need sex on Valentine's Day: I've got Bernard

Remember how I said this?

Well, it happened again. The part about the chocolates.  A lovely parcel arrived in the mail for me this week: a box of Bernard Callebaut chocolates. If you have never sampled the goodness that is a Bernard Callebaut chocolate, I pity you. I really do. They really are the best chocolates you can buy. In fact, they're good for dieting because after eating one, you'll turn a smug nose away from your ordinary Oh Henry or Hershey's chocolate bars. They're just not the same. Probably the only thing that comes close to Bernard Callebaut chocolates in terms of their greatness is sex. In fact, they may be better than sex. Indulge me for a minute:

Theorem: Bernard Callebaut chocolates may be are better than sex.

Proof:

• Col. Mustard stated that my sharing 3 of these sublime chocolates with him was the same as putting out.


• You can do enjoy it without worrying about shaving or pruning.


• They cannot get you pregnant.


• You aren't considered a whore if you spread the chocolate love. In fact, it is most likely considered a public service for the greater good.


• You don't have to get all warmed up and prepped to enjoy a chocolate.


• You'll ALWAYS be satisfied.

Anyone have anything else they'd like to add? Have you had the pleasure of having intimate relations with these chocolates?

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As a total aside, does it drive anyone else crazy when people say ValentiMe?  It's not a time of day, it's a name of a saint.  It's N, not M.  Freaken crap.