Do bears poop in the woods?

Whenever Tony wants to answer "yes" to an obvious question, he always retorts with  "Do bears poop in the woods?"

Yes, bears poop in the woods.  But not today.

A friend of mine (and neighbour) had told me that she had found bear poop in her yard a few days ago.  Since we live in an area close to the river, it is not uncommon for wildlife to muck about our yards.  She had a bear living in her yard last summer and it had to be trapped and relocated.  She was not impressed with a new bear friend moving in.

We live in a col de sac, up the road from my friend (who lives on a river-front lot).  We have never had much more than deer roam our yard and decimate our shrubs out front. Today, however, I would have gladly taken the deer.

While making supper, I hear Sashimi call out: " Mommy!  There's a bear in our yard!"

Incredulous, I say "Are you SURE? No, there can't be."

I looked out the window, saw nothing, then ran outside to check it out.  Smart, I know. Sashimi and Keesadilla both screeched at me "GET BACK IN THE HOUSE!!  THERE'S A BEAR OUTSIDE!" but I figured it was probably just a big dog or something.  I scoped out our yard, then walked to the end of the driveway to see if I could see anything. Then I heard something clanging on a chain-link fence.  I looked over to a neighbour's house, one yard between us, and a bear popped up and looked at me.  HOLY CRAP IT'S A BEAR!!  And I a pretty sure the bear though "HOLY CRAP IT'S A HUMAN!" because we both bolted a lightening speed.  He scampered back under a bush and resumed clanging on the fence.  I dashed into the house and cried "You were RIGHT! It IS a bear!" Then sat down and hyperventilated a little bit before resuming making supper, which was probably burning on the BBQ by then.

Me: Well, I have to go finish bbq-ing supper.

Keesadilla: NO!  Don't go outside!  There's a bear in our yard!

Me: The bear is gone, now. Don't worry.

Keesadilla: I don't want to the bear to come in my house and my yard!  Hmph! (arms crossed and stern expression).

Me: Kees, bears can't open doors.  It won't come in the house.

Keesadilla, grabbing his lightsaber: I gonna shoot the bear, Mommy! (makes shooting sound effects for enhanced effect).

Sashimi: You can't shoot a bear with a lightsaber.

Keesadilla: YES I CAN!

Me: No, you can't.  And you are too scared to go outside and shoot it anyway.  The bear can't get in our backyard where I am cooking, so it's ok.

Sashimi: But you're cooking fish and bears eat fish!!  What if it comes to our yard to get the fish?

Keesadilla: YEAH!  WHATCHA GONNA DO MOMMY?!?!

What did I do?  I called Sustainable Resources to report a bear and a very nice officer came and talked to me about it.  I think he may have thought I was cute because he gave the boys free passes to the minigolf course for "telling your mom about the bear" and then gave me one, too.

The minigolf course is not in bear territory.  Otherwise I don't think Keesadilla would go.  Unless he golfed with a lightsaber.