The Coming Out Post

If ever I had to come out of the closet, I think I would pay Ricky Martin to do it for me.  His writing was so heartfelt and poignant that I thought maybe I should come out, too.  Then, I remembered that I am not a homosexual.  So I'll just link you to his blog post and let you feel the strength and truth for yourselves.

The Gender-Identity Crisis

There comes a time as a parent that your kids say things that take you off guard, and leave you wondering what could possibly be going through their heads.  As the parent of a 3 year old boy, these crises come on a regular basis.  This week, we had what I would call a Three-Year-Old Gender Identity Crisis.

Crisis Number 1

"Mommy, I wanna marry a boy."

My first thought is: What?! Oh man, how can he be gay already?? I know he says he doesn't like girls, but isn't that normal for a 3 year old boy?

I then reel in the irrational-express, destination Sarah's brain and decide to pursue a little further.

Sacha: I gonna marry Kees-man.

Me: Sacha, you can't marry Kees.  He's your brother.  And why do you want to marry a boy?

Sacha: Because girls don't like aliens and I LIKE ALIENS!

My thoughts at this point: Oh thank GOD!

Then I say: Sacha, even if girls don't like aliens, it is ok to marry one.  If you want to be a daddy someday, you're going to have to marry a girl.

Sacha: But why?

Me: Because only girls can have babies.  If you marry a boy, a boy can't carry a baby in its tummy.

Sacha: Hmmm...then I just gonna marry you.

Me: Sorry, Sacha.  Maman is already married.  You have to find someone who is not married yet.

Sacha: Oh.  (pause while he collects his thoughts)  Well, then Kees can marry Stef (Sacha's former love interest) and I can marry Madison 'cause she's so CUTE!

Crisis Number 2

Sacha: Daddy, sometimes I wish I didn't have a penis.

Tony: WHY?

All I am thinking is "Oh crap, he figured out that he needs a vagina to have a baby."

Sacha: Because then I could pee out of my bum.  HAHAHAHAHAHA! That is silly.  Poop and pee out of my bum!  Or, maybe I could poop and pee out of my penis!  HAHAHAHAHAHA!

So far, gender-identity crisis averted.  As long as he doesn't decide that Sacha is a girl's name (which it is NOT, but I digress) and that he can have a sex-change operation and not even have to change his name.

5 weeks later...and this is how it goes

I had my D&C five weeks ago, and things have not resolved themselves.  Emotionally, I am better.  I have made a sort of peace with the fact that I lost my twins.  The fact that they died at the same time makes me believe that there was something genetically wrong with both of them, and they were not meant to live outside of me.

Physically, I am annoyed beyond reason.  In the past five weeks, I have had 12 days of no bleeding.  That makes 23 days of bleeding.  The past 9 days have been light, much the way it is when you are at the end of your period. the end of my period typically does not take 9 days.  And usually proceeds a good 3 weeks of NON bleeding.  Not just 12 days.   Annoying, though, is the fact that my doctor is concerned about infection and keep testing and swabbing to find the cause of this.  So far, nothing.  Everything is negative. I am glad that he is concerned, but I have had enough stuff shoved up my bajingo  in the past month to last me a while.

I just want things to be back to normal so that we can try again (shoving something else up my bajingo, but somewhat more pleasant than a speculum and extra-long Q-tip).  I really wanted to have a baby in 2010, but if things keep up the way they have...well, that won't be happening.